Article: Wisdom for whinging women by Sharon Prior

When did you last have a good moan about something? If you are like me then it probably wasn’t that long ago! In my experience it is so easy to see problems and complain about them rather than do anything about them.

When I worked at a Bible College whinging (dictionary definition = to grumble) and moaning (dictionary definition = to complain) seemed to be very infectious. No sooner had someone got something to whinge about than almost everyone else seemed to jump on the bandwagon and it became a major issue. In many ways it was more infectious than the common cold!

So what do you whinge about? What is going on in your life at the moment that is causing you to whinge more than normal?

Now I am not saying that it is always wrong to whinge - can I hear your sighs of relief! Having a good whinge makes us feel better and then we can move on. However, too often we can get into a habit of whinging and then I think it is a problem. When we find something to grumble about in everything and our attitude becomes very negative, then I don’t believe that this is how God wants us to live. Have you met people like this? Maybe you are one of them. They always appear to have something to whinge about and never do anything about it. For people like this it is always someone else’s fault, as if we do not have choices in the way that we approach different situations.

I was speaking to a youth worker recently who was complaining about the fact that she was not being line managed properly. So I asked her what she was doing about it. ‘Well nothing,’ she replied. ‘What can I do about it?’ I talked with her about taking the initiative, writing down how she wanted to be line managed and presenting that to her line manager for discussion. ‘I don’t think that will work,’ she said. ‘Try it anyway,’ I replied.

She did and while her line manager was a little surprised, they are now working together on making sure that she gets regular meetings and they have an agenda of things that need to be discussed at the meetings. She has not yet achieved everything that she presented to her line manager, but she is taking steps towards being managed the way she wants to be. Learning to manage your manager is a key skill to learn for all women, although that is another issue.

This youth worker had a choice. She could accept the way things were and continue to whinge about it, or she could take responsibility and do something about it. When you take responsibility like this the first thing you try may not always work, but the idea is not that you give up, but that you try something else. A mentor or coach can help you to look at ways forward in these situations.

In my opinion it is all about attitude - attitude is the key. John Maxwell in his book Attitude 101 says ‘There is one thing more infectious than a good attitude – a bad attitude’.

We can see examples in the Bible of people who developed a habit of whinging and those who did something about it. Here are just a few:

• We can compare the attitude of the Israelites with that of David. The Israelites saw the giant as too big to kill and didn’t do anything accept whinge. David saw the giant as too big to miss and went out and sorted him out.

• Jonah didn’t like what God was doing with the Ninevites and his negative attitude caused him to sulk big time! When was the last time you went under your tree and sulked? Maybe your place for sulking is not a tree! I find duvets and baths are just as good.

• Joseph was put in prison through no fault of his own and did he respond like Jonah? It could be argued that he had a right to, when he was there due to someone making a false allegation about him. No, he decided to make the best of it, do something about it and it was his attitude that finally led him to a position of power, responsibility and influence.

• What about the attitudes of Ruth and Esther? They were two women who had every right to whinge about their situation and think that they had no choices or that they could not do anything about it. However, they chose to take constructive action and look how they achieved the purposes of God through that.

What did Paul mean when he wrote to the Philippians ‘Do everything without complaining or arguing’? (Philippians 2:14) Why did he say this to them? It tells us in the passage ‘so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe’. Who do we let influence us? Are we letting the world influence our attitudes to this or are we letting God influence our attitude, so that we shine out in the world in which we live? Of course the other question we have to ask is who are we influencing? Are the young people we work with picking up on our attitude and using that as their role model? If we are a habitual whinger then that is what they will pick up on. If we don’t do anything about the situations we are in showing them that we have choices and can choose how we respond, then they are going to think they have no choices in life as well.

So I have put together some wisdom for whinging women. Whether it’s an occasional indulgence, or a hard-to-kick habit, you might find these steps useful in order to move forward.

1. Over the next week make a list of the things that you find yourself whinging about. Are there any common themes? Do you whinge about one thing more than others?

2. Think about why this is an issue for you at the moment. Are there any underlying things that are causing this to be a big issue? It is important that you do not just deal with the presenting issue, but get to the root of what the problem is. An example would be a woman I was speaking to a couple of weeks ago who was working five nights a week for her church in different youth groups. When I challenged her about this she said that she didn’t want to work that many evenings, but there was nothing she could do. When we looked deeper into this the real issue was that she believed that the groups would not be run so well if she was not there. That is what we had to tackle, so we looked at delegation, training and empowering her volunteers.

3. Once you have got to the key issues write down on a piece of paper all the choices you have in dealing with this situation. Write everything down at this stage however crazy it might seem.

4. It may help you talk the different choices through with a friend or mentor and get their wisdom on it. You don’t have to do this alone! Pray with this person as well and ask them to challenge you every time you whinge about the issue

5. Make an action plan of the choices you are actually going to take in dealing with the issue. Write down very specific things that you are going to do. Make them SMART –

• Specific – what are you actually going to do in steps e.g. step 1, step 2, step 3 etc?
• Measureable – how are you going to know when you have done each step? How are you going to measure it?
• Achievable – is it possible for you to do these things? It is no good writing things down that are not possible for you to achieve.
• Realistic – are the things you have written down realistic in the time you have got with everything else you need to do? Don’t set yourself up to fail!
• Timed – when are you going to do each step by?

6. Now you have an action plan put it into practice. Ask the person in number 4 or others that you work with to help you. Make yourself accountable to them, so that if they hear you whinging about the situation they will challenge you about what you are doing about it.

7. Celebrate your successes. Make sure that you recognise when you have completed each step of your action plan and get encouragement in this from your friends.

8. Remember that things will not change over night and habits take a while to break. Don’t give up at the first hurdle. With God’s help you can become a person who takes control of situations that cause you to whinge and do something about them. You can be as Paul said in Philippians ‘lights that shine in the world’ and good role models for the young people you work with.

Another quote from John Maxwell’s book: ‘Your attitude and potential go hand in hand’. So don’t be like the Israelites or a Jonah, achieve your full potential under God by becoming more like a Ruth, Esther or Joseph.

Remember that your greatest battle occurs on the inside not the outside.

Sharon Prior is a freelance trainer, leadership coach and mentor

Comments

[Becca]

So... Sharon... what are you going to do about it?!

[DANNIJELLA DRAGAS]

Your GREATEST BATTLES ARE ALWAYS ON THE INSIDE, than the OUTSIDED... a very wise statement. It is that choice to look at the LIGHT not the DARKNESS and to make every opportunity one that can make your day and week and Ultimately youre life.

Wonderful article.

DANNIJELLA DRAGAS